Dear Editor, I lost my daughter in 2009, I write her often and would like to share this Christmas’ letter:
Dearest Darling Daughter,
Its Christmas 2017 and I so desperately miss you. I’m sorry I haven’t written you for so long, my head has been unable to speak for my heart.
I struggle, asking myself if my grief is for your passing or perhaps more feeling sorry for myself. Part of the reason for my doubt is remembering the many, many times I could have made the effort to be with you and passed on the opportunity. Mistakenly thinking there was always tomorrow or next week.
When I look at the pictures of you and Jaden; the pure love between you two jumps out at me. It hurts to imagine what grandchildren would have been like – but I must confess to you I am happy you didn’t have children as I would not want them growing up in today’s world without you.
I have your wreath hanging next to your picture, Chai Lai is lying on the floor, and I know you sent him to me by the way, is he the reincarnation of Tasha? Did you really have to make him so stubborn and ornery? Perhaps that’s payback for my attitude at times while you were here.
I used to tell people that you lost the gene pool when they made comparisons between you and me. I now know you won the pool, having taken the best of both sides of your family and teaching me in the process.
I’m listening to Carlos Santana’s “Angels all Around us” – and I now feel you here by my side, thank you God.
Next-John Mayer’s “Daughters” is now playing and of course I’m crying my eyes out – which as you know is flushing them out, something I desperately need at the moment.
Next Kenny G’s “songbird”- In my mind I’m dancing with you on a frozen lake. More Kenny G. I’ll look for the Charlie Brown album you gave me one Christmas past on the way to see Grandma in the hospital. Kiss her for me please.
Sweetheart, as you know we finally have a chance down here with Donald and Melania Trump leading us.
What did Jesus think of their tribute to his birthday?
Love, Dad (Mike Sterling)
Jaden was Tina’s step daughter.
Tasha was a female white standard poodle that grew up with Tina living to 14yr.
Chai Lai is Chinese for luck comes, he’s a white male standard poodle. Tasha and Tina had brown eyes. Chai Lai’s closely resemble my hazel/green eyes.
Kenny G’s songbird was the song Tina had requested for her and me to dance at her wedding reception, someone screwed up and it didn’t happen – I only found out at her funeral.