Some would say it’s too soon to write about this, but I’ve learned that it’s very therapeutic to put words on paper, especially while grieving ... in order to begin a healing process. It hasn’t been twenty four hours and I am grieving over the loss of my Aunt (God Mother). I have cried so hard my eyes are swollen. I cannot imagine how her two sons, (my cousins), have spent those same hours since her passing. She suffered from cancer, and though we believed the treatments would prolong her life, only God really knew when she was going home. “Whoever Believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” ... (John 3:16). This is the time where Faith and Hope come in to our lives, more accurately in laments terms, “if we go the distance ... hanging in there until the end.” Mathew 24:13, “Those people who keep their faith until the end will be saved.”
I know she no longer suffers, but it doesn’t make our hurt go away. I have a lump in my throat and my heart feels shattered, leaving me with a feeling of emptiness inside. She was more than an Aunt to me; she was like a second mother and close friend. Her nickname for me was “The Kid”, or at times “Blondie” ... like much of my family calls me. Memories shared throughout my life with her remain close at heart and will never be forgotten. I believed that I had one more chance to make another memory before her departure, but I guess that’s what hurts even more. I still hear her voice in my head.
She was a phenomenal cook, and most recently enjoyed baking, putting every ounce of her love into it. Fond memories linger from my childhood, as my sister and I had stayed with her and our cousins, back on a farm in Wisconsin. There was much laughter and mischievous that took place then, but it didn’t stop there. We all made the big move to Los Angeles, CA. You might only imagine the trouble we endured there ... four kids from Wisconsin now in LA. But my mother and she were close; I recall the two of them putting on Stetson hats and going to hang out on the town ... “Cal’s Corral”. It’s a lifetime of visiting memory lane, as some of us refer to it.
As I began a career with America West Airlines in the late 90’s, I had a lot of training in Phoenix, which meant I needed a place to stay. She opened her home to me where I became very comfortable, who wouldn’t? Home cooking, a pool in the yard and my own private bedroom, it didn’t get much better than that. I can hear her voice on the phone; “So is this another surprise visit, are you here again?” as she chuckled. I’ve been blessed with her in my life, as well as having great cousins, who are more like brothers to me rather than cousins; a closeness that will always be. When my aunt lost her soul mate (husband “Spud”), a part of her was lost; just as we now feel. But we cannot be selfish, for love is not ... and she can now be embraced in his arms once again.
Auntie June, you will always be with me in my heart, though I tend to wear these emotions on my sleeve right now, you have been more than an aunt to me. My breathe runs shallow and my heart is pumping as I write these words, knowing I won’t see you for a very long time. Tears running down my cheeks ... I can only hang on to my faith, knowing you are in peace. You brought much laughter and love into my life, and I cannot begin to express how much you will be missed! I love you so very much.
Lord Byron ... Broken-Heart
The heart will break. Yet brokenly live on.
Make your life count.